June 8, 2007
Rev. Regina Maria Cross

In one moment life is what we assume as normal and within a flash all of life is different colliding with words from what sounds like a foreign language yet are all to familiar within your vocabulary. “Looking at your most recent MRI, there is evidence that you have another Brain Tumor.” “What did you say?” In a flash shock hits along with all the experience of the past, “What did you say?” I asked, knowing that symptoms had slowly, discretely and with such subtlety appeared that even I thought perhaps it’s my thyroid in testing. I don’t even remember if I asked the question aloud of my long time care companion neurosurgeon, Dr. Kobrine or whether my whole being, physical, emotional, mental and spiritual disappeared into a cocoon of sheltered safety.

October 19, 1989, all of life became frighteningly surreal when I first heard the statement uttered by a very excited, lacking in communication skills doctor, “You have a brain tumor!” In a moment life as we knew it was changed forever. A brain tumor did not figure into our year number eight of marriage, our loving pet companions, the deep longing for children nor the country home soon to be serenely surrounded by the white picket fence. The words brain tumor never came up in conversation.

Since that all too authentic day, through a craniotomy on November 16, 1989 followed by years of subtle recovery I have sometimes felt as a stranger navigating through a strange land sometimes full of wonder other times totally uncoordinated. Yet having survived given less than a 20% chance of making it off the table, I questioned my existence having heard, felt and saw those in the hospital rooms next to me having a near full chance of recovery, die. I marvel at peripheral vision, which most people don’t even think about, as it is just a part of their sight but I hold up my hands to the sides of my head and I can see my fingers wiggle. Being able to “do numbers” when anything to do with numbers prior to diagnosis put fear in my heart yet four years later feeling as a wizard must feel, being able to remember more than one number at a time when making a phone call or working the books, eventually coming to the intuitively understood studies of Numerology. Then there is getting the fork in my mouth as aimed versus another pic to the forehead, that’s big if for no other reason but social etiquette. After seven years having what I term an “alternative thought”, a process of being able to think another way of doing something versus all is lost if not done this one way, the only way I can think it. Reading, the absolute miraculous ability of knowing what the word is, it’s meaning and comprehending all of them together in a sentence, (Now I write an monthly column for my town paper! Wow!). All this daily leads to a place of walking in One’s bliss and joy. A place of choosing wisely all that surrounds you in respect to the miracle being alive in life is.

Now, almost two decades later not only do I know what I know from all these years of experience always including the spiritual aspect of my life’s journey, which is everything of it, but what about what I don’t know of the upcoming procedure I will be giving myself over too later in June. How do I do this with what I know this time and what I don’t?

For months since this diagnosis I have been silent keeping the news to myself, slowly sharing only when I felt comfortable taking yet another step forward off Shocks Avenue. Yet what am I waiting for? Who says enlightenment means never asking for help for yourself? I thought I had healed that 50’s Roman Catholic, Italian female upbringing!

Within Light Paths we have co-created The Reiki Angel Team comprised of well-trained, practiced and highly intuitive Student/Practitioners of Traditional Reiki Natural Healing. Weekly one or two of us are with a dear one undergoing their time of diagnosised living invited upon their journey contracted between themselves and God (don’t misunderstand me, I do not believe God gives us illness…allows it Yes, gives it No…it’s called free-will). I started thinking about what we had created, what we were doing and questioning my teaching strategy as Spiritual Director at Light Paths. Two weeks ago students of Light Paths were informed of my journey as we gathered in our Reiki Circle, “I am not sure how many of you are aware that May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month but I have am here to make you aware of one, mine.” Now, I am receiving and I am benefiting from this wondrous gathering of Souls called The Light Paths Reiki Angel Team as I breath through preparations for a less invasive tumor treatment called Stereotactic Radiosurgery, particularly Gamma Knife (do we have to use the word knife? How ‘bout Gamma Jamma, or Gamma Yeah, it just sounds lighter, happier, more conducive to healing).

In the beginning shock, fear and chaos pounce. Breathe, just breathe. God gave us life’s breath, prana, not to stop it before our time but to breathe through the challenges we create asking for assistance from those Soul’s incarnate at the same time, on the same planet with the same beating heart of Universal Love, the Divine Spark Within, so that in those moments of frail humanness even those on their enlightened path can feel and know within their Soul all is well even when life appears to suck.

In some moments of living, life is forever changed and the many moments that follow each of us has a choice to continue them in fear or to ask for the very reasons we are here, love and healing. God gave us each other for this very purpose and for this realization I am grateful. For me It’s Just A Thought that gives me courage.

You can learn more about the work of The Reiki Angel Team complementing your healing as well as classes, workshops and retreats held at Light Paths, Centre For The Healing Arts and The Sophia School of Wisdom by checking our website at www.light-paths.org or calling 410-758-3589.