(Picture from Ericgurdau.com)
It’s Just A Thought
“What Is It To Die
But To Stand Naked In The Wind…”
October 16, 2007
Rev. Regina Maria Cross
There is no other month more devoted to the subject of death and dying than October with its ghouls, spooky costumes and newly released scary movies. So, after the children are safely home from an evening of Trick or Treat and tucked into bed. After the blue screen fades, lights are up and popcorn filled nerves are somewhat reconnected from the horrific scenes played before your eyes. Or in the silence of real life sitting by the bedside of a loved one ready to pass over, stop just for a moment, breathe, breathe again and touch into your deepest thoughts regarding a subject so many of us would rather leave alone until the moment of its arrival.
“So Almitra spoke, saying, We would ask now of Death. And he said: You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?”
On October 19, 1989 I received the first diagnosis of a brain tumor. On November 16, 1989 I woke from surgery with “less than a 20% chance of making it off the table”. In an instant one of my greatest and most joyful assignments of life became learning how to die well. Dying well is more than receiving a physician’s bill of health upon death. It is in the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual consciousness of being aware, of “seeking the heart of life” from the first breath waking each morn until the last pillow sigh each night. It is in the choosing of how to live, where to live, how to treat my body, who to spend time with, who not to spend time with and how to spend that precious time we do have in this earthly experience we call life. Dying well means knowing I am living my purpose of being having birthed it through its wants, needs and desires in communication with my Higher Power as I nurture it’s fulfillment in my part of the Plan. Every day is a new day, every day is a gift (“that’s why they call it the present”), and every day may be the last day you live on earth, brain tumor or not. Live in the heart of now as now truly is the only time we have, the only time in existence, as the past is gone and the future becomes the present now. Just do it!
“The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.”
For those who are ready, (i.e. those who push themselves beyond the fear of the unknown) the mystery is unveiled. As you seek, belief becomes knowledge, knowledge through experience brings with it the inception of wisdom and love/wisdom shines the Light upon the mystery called Death. Death is only a change, a change of energy from physical to non-physical, that part of us we already are. Sometimes we just forget. It is the flow from the small incarnate life to the eternal soul life, from the river of shorelines to the unending horizons of the sea. As Carly Simon sings, “Life is eternal, Love is immortal and Death is only a horizon.”
“In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.”
We will all die as we have all been born. As we live, our spirit either waits for that which will be or soars as integrated enlightenment within our soul. As grade school nears its end, we anticipate new halls, new rooms, new smells, new lockers, new friends, being the bigger in high school. As high school draws to a close our hearts beat with the excitement of moving away to the new freer life called college, its late nights, intimate group discussions with a favorite professor and stimulation of our wisdom being heard. Then as college ends we hold a momentary breath growing into adulthood, first steps into our professional career, our first apartment, yes, even our first bills and the thought of scheduling our calendar as we please. Each new chapter the seed grows within the present living. We trust the dreams as we water and nurture their existence. As the thrill of each fantasy is the beginning into the spring of new horizons and the old passes away, we are still the one, physically and spiritually, moving through the gates of change, as that is all it is, from one form to another as we mature. In each choice, we are choosing not only the living of our biography but the memory of its passing
“Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepard when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour. Is the shepard not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?”
In the shift of a moment even though there has been great effort moving toward its aim we fear that which we do not know. Michael Phelps trained physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually for the moment that he may joyfully take the gold, the symbolic king of his achievement thus far. Even as he trained, knew his desires, earned the gold, standing in the moment of the moment, he may have felt the inward trembling as his toes gripped the edge of the pool before his push off into the water toward the race to be won. Each leap is the last before the first, the death of what was before the birth of what is. This is the moment of transition. It is our own twinkling of truth as we prepare to wear the mark of the king. Did we do what we came here to do? Did we get the gold? Did we seek the king in the heart of life? Did we live vivaciously? On October 19, this Sunday, I celebrate the fifth anniversary of my Ordination. All of my being silently sings as I recall the breath filled moment, the joy beneath my trembling as I professed the Vows and received the Blessing in Sacrament while my life as I knew it died of the old being born anew unto “Not my will but Thy Will by done”. Death, exist in the everyday of living and with every death there is a rebirth. Through the extinction of night comes the origin of an infant day. One of those reborn days we shall stand on the edge, toes gripping, as our fearful tremble gives to the joyful sigh of passing through the gates of death. A simple exhalation of what was becomes the inhalation of mystery unveiled.
“For what is it to die, but to stand naked in the wind and melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?”
From what I have seen (as you won’t find me on one) there is an unencumbered tingle as one embarks on the roller coaster, the fast ride totally out of one’s own control. I’ve heard it is the freeness of wind upon the face, the letting go of responsibility and just the fun of it all. Well, little ole’ me can get that by sticking my head out the car window. In the flash of life facing fear we stand stronger, freer, more than who we imagined ourselves to be. Just before the coaster takes off on its ride our breath seems to have stopped its cycle in our throat yet once the ride glides into the other side destination the exhale we experience is one of total liberation. The truth of our courage is known. Courage is standing naked in the wind as we melt into the sun. There is a scene in the movie City Of Angels where the character Maggie is riding her bike, eyes closed, arms outstretched into the wind. Naked with clothes on she embraces all that is. She inhales melting into the sun. At that point I knew she was going to die. She had to. It’s the way we humans write stories. Maggie had let loose all her apprehensions and trepidations. Literally and symbolically Maggie had to die to the lesser to become the greater. Maggie’s breath ceased as her purpose, the seeking, was fulfilled. As we overcome any struggle, restless tide, be it genuine or monkey mind chatter, standing on the shoreline of reality the exhale is granted. On the other side of letting go we inhale, rise, rejoicing into our souls expanded enlightenment, the bliss, of God unencumbered. We may have taken our last breath literally or we may have created an opportunity to practice the moment by dying to the lesser of who we have been becoming the greater of our intention by again discerning that which our inner core knows about our spirit living as our most authentic self.
“Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountaintop, than you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”
No one can explain, describe or explore for you what your soul already knows through your silent song. It’s Just A Thought but as the songs go may we each “Climb Every Mountain” seeking our heart in life and when done “I hope you/we dance.” standing naked in the wind with God unencumbered.
The quoted masterful teaching “On Death”, written by the poet, philosopher, artist and mystic Kahil Gibran is from The Prophet published in 1923. Kahil Gibran shares beautiful and majestic philosophy through his book gratifyingly suitable for meditation and prayer while seeking one’s own understanding in all substance between birth and death.
This month, on October 25 from 10am – 12:30pm, at Light Paths * Centre For the Healing Arts we are honored to present Rev. Katherine James Klemstine, Director of Spiritual Care of The Chesapeake Hospice as she shares her workshop “Spiritual Insights to Death – A Comparison of the Physical and Spiritual Dying Process”. Please do make the time to come, listen and understand as you seek your heart in life.
Light Paths * Centre For The Healing Arts, a Spiritual Enlightenment Centre and The Sophia School Of Wisdom, an accredited outreach center for Sancta Sophia Seminary are nestled in beautiful woodland only 3 miles from downtown Centreville. Classes are small, intimate and spiritually enriching. Know you are welcome and we are enriched by your presence. For more information call 410-758-2579 or e-mail us at lightpaths@me.com.
